


Incognito

by Anonymous



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Banter, Bladder Control, Immature Peter Parker, Literally because they're incognito, Nintendo Switch, Peter Parker is Trying His Best, Peter's really gotta go., Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Urination, in the car, stake out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-23 06:35:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23107180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Peter has been invited to go on an undercover intel mission with Tony and Natasha but his only role is to pretend to be their kid so that they blend in.  He plays his role swimmingly.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 5
Kudos: 230
Collections: Anon Works





	Incognito

"So... We're going on some kind of a weird stakeout?", Peter asked dubiously after Tony had called him up and talked to him about the plan that the team had put together in order to surreptitiously track down the elusive Hydra wannabe agent that had finally been spotted in some town near Cincinnati. 

"No, Romanoff and I are going on some kind of a weird stakeout. You'll be there to round out the disguise. Since no one knows what Spider-man looks like and everyone knows I don't have children, we'll look an average couple taking their kid on vacation. "

"So, I don't even get to do anything...?", Peter asked incredulously. He'd just been invited on an Avengers covert operation trip to do literally nothing and he wasn't sure how to feel about that. Especially when Tony shrugged his shoulders as if the entire concept wasn't _ever so slightly_ demeaning. There was a small part of him that understood the ruse. Having a teenager in the backseat would make them blend in that much more and it wasn't like they could hire a non-enhanced, non-trained, kid to play the part. They did sort of need him in particular. If things went sideways, they knew he could take care of himself. That was at least somewhat rewarding. 

"You get to ride around in the backseat eating snack cakes and playing video games. If you're nice I'll let you do all the progress reports.", the man said with a wave of his hand.

Sighing deeply, Peter glared at the man in front of him. "You just don't want to have to do those yourself."

"You're right. I don't.", Tony returned with a light chuckle before growing serious again. "So are you in or our, Spider-boy?"

After some thought, Peter sighed again, wondering what exactly he was signing himself up for. "In.", he reluctantly agreed. "When do we leave?"

"Tonight. So, go pack a bag. Make sure to grab your Gameboy.", Tony said and Peter rolled his eyes.

"I don't have a Gameboy. I was like, five-years-old when they stopped making those.", Peter groused. 

"Well, what do you have?", Tony asked because what the hell did he know about the latest advances in video game systems?

After a pause, Peter said, "A phone.", and left it at that.

"Whatever. I'll get you something.", Tony said as if he were offering to buy a candy bar instead of a multi-hundred dollar game system but Peter wasn't allowed to refute. The second his voice cracked to make his complaint he was cut off. "--No arguing. It's just part of the act. You need some sort of kiddie entertainment system to sell the look."

Seeing as, A, there was no talking the man out of a decision he'd already made and B, it made a tiny bit of sense, Peter gave in. "In that case, I want a Switch with Super Mario Maker."

A few seconds passed and Peter could hear the man typing away at something before proclaiming it to be a done deal and that he would be there to pick him up in fifteen minutes. Apparently he'd already decided that Peter was coming and had started driving that way over an hour ago. Fantastic.

During the debriefing on the plane ride, things became more clear. The person they were after was camped out in some small town trying to blend in. They weren't trying to catch him, they were only trying to gather intel. Once they had that they would formulate a second plan but the current plan had Steve at the helm tracking tips while Tony, Natasha drive around incognito with their pretend son tracking the man's movements. Once they found him anyway. The entire strategy sounded ridiculous when you took into account that Tony could literally hack into any surveillance camera in the world from his watch. However, he was assured that this was a better way to gain information. Fewer gaps in time and more opportunity to do some actually tracking. 

"So let me get this straight. We're going to climb into an SUV, and drive around the city until we find the guy, follow him all day and then call it a night?", Peter repeated after listening to the entire spiel. 

"Basically. You guys will be taking data on where he goes, how long he stays there and who he talks to.", Steve further explained.

"Like, Spy stuff.", Peter said because he supposed that would explain how Natasha got roped in. Though he was still unclear because he was almost sure she could have done this on her own. All he could figure was that Tony was being unreasonably insistent that he be involved and that had turned into him being involved. 

"Exactly.", Natasha replied with an exhausted smile as she glared at Tony and that was all Peter needed to see to know that his assumptions were correct.

After the briefing, there wasn't time to get in much more than a power nap before they were loaded into the SUV. Natasha had on a long black wig while Tony wore a cap down over his eyes. They were both dressed like the epitome of tourists. Kahki shorts, baggy t-shirts, and tennis shoes. He couldn't help but laugh because he'd never seen them look so... normal. It was weird. 

Tony glared mildly and reached over to playfully smack the kid on the back of the head. "Keep laughing, kid and I'll make you read a book instead of playing games."

"Do you want me to barf in the car? Because that's how you get me to barf in the car.", Peter replied with his eyebrows raised and his arms crossed over his chest. That wasn't exactly true but it seemed to put Tony on edge and that was fun so he let it go. 

"--Somebody add a puke bag to the backseat supplies!", the man abruptly announced as he wandered off to collect the last of the tech they needed for the trip.

Not long after the three of them were in the car, and Tony was pulling into a Starbucks. "Can I get a coffee?", Peter asked as he leaned over the seat so that his head was sticking out directly between the two front passengers. 

"No.", Tony curtly replied without explanation while Natasha sat quietly beside him.

"Why not?", Peter asked because he'd gotten up just as early as they had and gotten just as little sleep. He couldn't help but feel like he deserved a pick-me-up as well. 

Tony sighed and pulled one car-length closer to where he could place their order. "Because it'll make you all jittery."

Rolling his eyes, Peter dropped back down into the backseat. "You're getting coffee.", he plainly pointed out.

"Yeah, I'm old and used to it. In fact, my body doesn't function properly without it.", Tony said with an edge to his voice. 

"Well, I'm young and trendy. I drink coffee all the time and I'm tired. Come on!", Peter complained.

"Let the rugrat have his coffee.", Natasha added with a playful poke to the man's arm. 

After several seconds of being ganged up on, Tony relented. "Fine but You better not start bouncing around in the seat, you hear me, kid?", he said with mock severity before asking everyone that they wanted and then footing the bill.

It took all of fifteen minutes for him to down the large iced coconut-milk vanilla latte that he'd demanded with one long straw rattling slurp. "That was good. Thank's Mr. Stark.", he said with a contented sigh before picking up his brand spanking new Nintendo system and turning it on. Maybe he hadn't ended up with such a bad deal after all. This totally counted as 'going on a mission' and he got to relax in a backseat wearing sweats with his shoes kicked off in the floorboard while the two 'adult's in the front got to deal with all of the boring stuff. It was an absolute win. 

Or course, after a couple of hours of driving in what felt like circles that backseat began to feel cramped and his bladder, well, it was definitely filling up. However, despite all of that he tried to patiently wait out his car mates. Surely at some point, they too would deceide that it was time to stretch their legs and pee. He wasn't the only one who'd had a huge cup of coffee. Then upon further inspection, he realized that he was the only one who had finished his. "Hey, Mr. Stark? How much longer do you think we're going to be in the car?", he asked in an attempt to feel out the situation.

"Did you seriously just ask me 'Are we there yet?", the man asked with humor.

Peter huffed and tried to find a more comfortable way to sit. "No, I asked how much longer we were going to be in the car."

"There's no telling, kid. So far we've seen nothing. None of Steve's so-called 'tips' have paid off and what does it matter. I already told you this was going to be ab all-day event.", Tony said before peering into the rear-view mirror with a teasing smile. "Are you bored of that video game already?"

"No, I was just asking.", Peter replied in defeat before going back to his game. Though it only took so long for the man to be looking at him in the mirror again but this time it wasn't in mirth. 

"Kid, you've kicked my seat three times. Three times. I know you're young and restless but come on. You have the entire back seat to yourself. Why are you hitting me?", the man asked with mild annoyance.

Having not realized that he'd been moving around that much, Peter bit his lip in thought. His bladder was absolutely killing him. "I'm sorry, Mr. Stark", he said before glancing towards Natasha who seemed to be looking at him with concern. That was great. "...but I need to go to the bathroom.", he finally finished and could hear the man smack his hand onto the steering wheel but all he said was 'Alright.', and he wasn't sure what that meant. He just hoped it means that they would be stopping for a bathroom soon.

Ten minutes, five fast-food restaurants and three stations later, Peter was still in the back of the car holding his pee. The man hadn't even paused at any of the numerous places that had free toilets to offer. "Mr. Stark? Are you going to stop? Because I really need to pee.", he finally said with urgency. The desire to empty his bladder was growing by the minute.

"Want me to send a message to Steve, let him know we're taking an early break?", Natasha asked but rather than answer Tony's eyes went wide.

"Holy shit! We found him. That's him. Look, you see it too right? White hair, black glasses, scar across his nose.", the man asked and sure enough, the man in the car beside them was the one they were looking for. It seemed to be anyway and all of a sudden the state of Peter's bladder was no longer the topic of discussion. 

"I'll start recording.", Natasha said before tossing a tablet into the back seat. "Here, kid, start typing out that plate number once we can see it. Track down who it's registered under."

With a grunt of frustration, Peter did as he was asked and tried to ignore the way his back teeth were floating. Then to make matters better... or maybe worse the man they were after drove into a gas station parking lot. "Can I go to the bathroom now?", Peter asked the second Tony had parked the car at a gas pump to watch the suspect's actions.

"Nope.", Tony said with zero remorse and when Peter asked a second time he sighed. "Look, kiddo, there's a guy that we suspect is highly dangerous wandering around in there doing who knows what. If you need to pee so bad, why don't you use the cup that the coffee I distinctly remember telling you that you didn't need came in."

"First of all, gross. Second of all, there is a lady in the car--", Peter started only to be interrupted.

"--Awe, did you hear that, Tony? He thinks I'm a lady.", Natasha cooed.

Peter rolled his eyes and made his final and most significant point. "...and third of all, what if someone sees me? I would like to keep my private parts, private please and thank you." 

"Kid--", Tony said but Peter could already tell it was going to be negative so he cut him off at the pass.

"--I promise I'll be careful, in and out. I just need to pee.", he pleaded as his bladder continued to pound.

Tony sighed and looked over the seat behind him. He was supposed to be watching the suspect but apparently he was going to be arguing with a desperate teenager instead. "Does the word incognito mean anything to you? We're sitting back and observing. Blending in so no one suspects anything."

"He has a point.", Natasha a said as she kept the tiny camera zoomed in on the suspect.

"--Yes, I get it we're all pretending to be the average family out on a nice little Sunday drive.", Peter clipped because if he didn't get to pee soon it was going to cry. "Do you know what screams road trip? The parents pulling into a gas station so that their kid who's in the backseat about die from a bursting bladder can run inside to pee. That's me. I'm the kid. No one knows I'm Spider-man. I'm just a kid who's on a road trip with his parents that really, really needs to pee.", he said, his voice squeaking a little at the end.

"He has a point, too.", Natasha said with an approving nod of her head. Both points had merit really.

"It isn't _safe_.", Tony insisted.

"Well, me peeing in the seat isn't _sanitary_ because I refuse to whip it out. My body is my body and I don't want anyone else to see it.", Peter replied with both his legs and his arms crossed.

After looking at the stubbornly scowling boy, Tony pinched the bridge of his nose and waved towards the door. "Jesus Christ, just go.", he said and with that Peter threw his door open and started to run only to be called back to the car. "Get back over here and put your shoes on! What's the matter with you!"

After throwing his shoes on because, yeah, okay, that was a good idea, he ran in through the glass door and straight into the men's room He didn't even notice who was watching or who he ran past. His eyes were on that wooden door in the back corner. He made it to the urinal just in time to take, what he was sure, was the longest pee he'd ever taken. Once he was finally, finally done, he washed his hands and trekked back to the car and climbed back in. Noting that no one even batted an eye. Suspect included.

"Feeling better?", Tony asked with sarcasm, though even he could admit that the kid looked less tense

"Yes. I feel fantastic. Thank you for asking.", Peter returned before digging through the bag of snacks at his feet. "Anyone want a cosmic brownie?", he asked offering both adult a cheaply made chocolate confection but both refused. "Great. more for me.", he childishly proclaimed before popping pack open and taking a big bite. When Tony looked at him with a roll of his eyes he smiled. "What? You asked me along to be the kid. I'm being the kid and I take my role very seriously."


End file.
